Chased

All my life I wanted to be chased. It’s built into who I am. I think it’s built into who we all are. It’s built into us so we can be open to God’s desire for us to be His.

When I started dating after high school (I was painfully shy), I wanted that guy who would make me feel special, like I was the most important person in his world. I didn’t find that guy. I found guys willing to take advantage of a young girl who had little self-confidence. I married one of them. The truth is that I chased him and he ran and ran away until I caught him.

Throughout our marriage, I waited and longed for him to chase me, to just show me I was special to him, that he was glad I was born and his wife. I didn’t look for other guys to chase me, just him. It never happened. When our marriage ended, eventually I thought I would find someone else to chase me.

And ten years later, I met my current husband. And he did some chasing. He called me almost every night while we dated. He spent time with me. He told me he loved me. But it wasn’t enough. I still didn’t feel chased. I wanted him to make me feel beautiful. We’ve been married for over twenty years and he has done well in many respects. But that hunger to be chased has hung on.

I have thought many times that I am just selfish, wanting more than I have. The grass is always greener kind of thought. I am realizing something completely different though. And that realization is not through my own power but through the Holy Spirit’s.

When I was young child, I went to church faithfully. But I didn’t know Jesus. I knew God and was afraid of Him. Jesus was a figure hanging on a cross at my church. That was about all I knew about Him. When I was thirteen, I read a book about Him, The Greatest Story Ever Told by Fulton Oursler. I didn’t know it at the time but I was being chased. I know it now because that is when my thirst to know Jesus was first felt.

I continued to search for Him. Any time I heard of someone being a “Jesus Freak” my thirst would come alive again. I didn’t understand what a Jesus Freak (JF) was but something drew me. I was being chased.

My first husband owned a Bible. I held the Holy Bible in my hands for the first time in my life. I slept with it during hard times in our marriage. I was drawn to it. I couldn’t open it because I wasn’t qualified, I thought. Whatever was in that book, kept me alive during a very troubled period of my life. Chased.

After my divorce, while sharing with a friend about how depressed I was, she told me about Jesus, sent me to her Pastor dad and I met the One chasing me. God desires that none should perish (2 Pet 3:9). He had chased me because He didn’t want me to perish. I knew a joy that was greater than I can describe until life stepped back in with all its troubles and challenges again.

For decades after learning about Jesus, accepting Him as my Savior, I still yearned to be chased. I did not understand. I can look back now though and see His chasing after me. Every time I wandered away, He was there chasing me and bringing me back into relationship with Him. Every single time. He never gave up. I was too important to Him. He wants to be close to me. He wants me to be close to Him. Always and forever. He never ignores me. He never acts as if I don’t matter. He never forgets me. He never takes me for granted.

To Him, I am beautiful. I am well chased. I had to turn and see His chasing to understand I don’t lack. I am blessed more than I could ever deserve with a Savior who keeps chasing after me even though I already belong to Him. He desires more than I have given Him so he keeps chasing.  He wants me to feel His love with all my being. Sometimes I don’t. He’s showing me I lack because I’m not looking, seeking, and knocking. He’s right here, chasing me, I just have to open my eyes and see Him, open my heart and feel Him. Then I feel His love with all my being. I feel that I am well and truly chased. No other chasing is needed but the chase of my Savior.

God, why am I so blessed? I don’t deserve it. I screw up. I sin. Yet, I am chased. I am loved. What an amazing God.

The truth is that Jesus chases all of us. He wants us all. Some of us keep running, never seeing the love chasing them. Others turn and embrace the One chasing us. How about you? Can you feel Him chasing you? Turn and embrace Him. Feel His love for you. The chase is on. And ongoing. Thank you Lord for never stopping in your chase of us.